At work we send asynchronous messages to tell the rest of the team what we did yesterday, what we have planned for today, and lastly we list any blockers we’re facing that may prevent getting work done.
What follows are my daily blockers from April 18th—May 21st 2022.
As of this moment in time, from my limited 3D point of view, nothing. If I gain a 4D perspective at some point, that may change, and it will most definitely cause me some grief at a perceived loss, until my brain acclimates to its new normal. I’ll keep y’all posted.
So far so good, I still haven’t been tarnished with the fourth sight, so perhaps my days will be more or less unblemished by the woes and wails of the souls trapped betwixt this and their dimensions.
As the days pass I sit firmly on the edge of the infinite gap between our dimension and theirs, anxiety bubbles tickling my nose in anticipation of the gift of fourth sight...
Is it a gift, my mind wanders in wonder, or am I just trying to convince myself in a vain attempt to subdue the fear burning a hole in my chest?
The fear, molten as it erupts through-out me. My body is shaking and shivering from the rush of adrenaline, worry swirling and spiralling through my brain and stiffening my neck.
I can feel the fourth sight scorching me from the inside. The screams of those trapped betwixt echoing about my skull. My eyes can’t contain the fire, it pours out madness.
I feel the cold stippling of the gravel road on my cheek, my shoulder tight, a pinch in my hip as I push my self up off the ground dirt and tiny pebbles sticking to my face and clothes.
The brightness of the sun is turned up to eleven as it rises over the horizon. In the distance I can see the silhouette of a barn I have no idea where I am, or how I got here. Am I even here?
It took an eternity to reach the distant barn, but now here beside it the scattered sharp almost splinters pressing into my palm as I lean weakly against its massive red side.
I can feel this. It is real. I am real? Inside I can hear something disturbing, a soft moaning. Pain? I struggle to move towards the sound...
My palm scraping along the barn’s side as I slowly approach the front, caution and awareness my only senses. The moaning is louder now. Wailing, distress in the notes as they float through the air, so close. My anxiety holds me back, paralyzed. Just look.
I retreat to the safety of the massive red wall, the rough facade digging into my shoulder.
I’m breathing too hard now, my heart is racing. I need to calm down. I can’t. The screams are tearing me apart. I collapse.
Hey. Hey. Hay? I can hear someone, somewhere.
Hey Buddy, you Okay?
I am. Am I?
Buddy, you need some help?
Who is Buddy? Am I Buddy? I’m flat on my back, I can feel the heat of the sun on my face. All I see is red and orange and yellow through the thin skin of my eyelids. I try to open my eyes, everything rushes in too fast, a blur. Squinting through the brightness.
Hey! There you are. You Okay? Do you need anything?
What’s with the third degree pal? I try to talk but only gurgled whispers fall out. The blur leans in, straining to hear me. I try again. Nothing of note. The mass of shapes grabs my hand and braces my shoulder pulling me upright against the familiar rough exterior of the barn, is it a barn? Red right?
I saw you fall, do you want me to call anyone? An ambulance maybe?
No! I explode.
I think the swirls are nodding.
Alright. Let’s at least get you inside. Some food might do you right.
I drool as the darkness spills in from all sides. Only flashes now.
I’m floating now, I’m in-between. The fear has washed away, the anxiety, the anguish of a life not lived, the despair of love unsaid, the destruction of words and the innocence stolen, all gone.
There is nothing. I am nothing and every thing all at once.
My memories aren’t short snippets or foggy scenes, they’re on full display in vivid 4K and happening all at once. They feel warm, even the cold ones, even the ones I’d sooner forget, all part of me, they are me. My existence was purposeful, my purpose fulfilled. I can rest easy.
Waves of electricity wash over me I can feel each wave starting from my heart and flowing over and away from my body. Pulses.
wave. peace. wave. peace.
Over and over.
wave. horror. wave. peace. wave. horror.
I’m being pulled away from here, I can feel the energy isn’t part of this place, it’s yanking me back. Back to the earthly prison I’d only just escaped. I was free.
wave. gasp. wave. gasp. gasp.
I’m choking now, soaked with sweat. My shirt is torn open and I’m being assaulted by a man with a hand held panini press?
Hey! I’m not a fricking sandwich man!
Another man stops the press operator.
Whoa! Whoa! He’s back!
I am back, but where is here?
I put my hand down to press myself up. I find sand. I’m on the beach?
Whoa sit still there bud, you’re not ready to go just yet The panini press operator says putting a hand on my shoulder. I’m not strong enough to fight it, so I plop down into the sand.
Where the hell am I, where’s the barn? The panini operator and his accomplice give each other a worried look.
Are you OK? The other guy asks.
Do you not remember what happened? They look actually concerned. I’m heading straight for a night or more in the state hospital, got to play it cool.
Yeah, yeah, sorry... I’m on the beach, I hit my head, I’ll be fine. Did I hit my head? Let’s hope so.
Ok, alright, this guy’s going to be fine. Let’s pack it up. The other guy nods, and starts packing up the portable panini press.
I look up and down the beach, it seems to stretch on for miles in both directions. Behind me I can’t see anything except dunes and headlights, in front the ocean. This could be any beach on any coast.
I’m just going to sit here a bit. Rest up. My head is pounding.
The air is crisp and salty. It’s cold but the warmth of the sun is like a comfortable blanket. I can feel the sand between my toes and fingers. I’m taking this all in like I’ve never done before. Just sitting in peace, absorbing the beauty of the natural world I find myself in, yet I know I don’t belong here.
I’ve been blinking involuntarily, backwards, forwards, sideways, upways and everything in between since the fourth sight was granted. Gift or a curse, a little of both? I don’t even know if I’m alive, or where home is.
But, I have a longing to get back there, where that is. Dead or alive.
I’ve sat on this beach for three sunsets. If I don’t move I don’t shift timelines or universes. Is stillness of mind and body the answer. I need to reel it in, if I think too hard I’ll blink out.
This beach is beautiful, I need to stay here at all costs, I mustn’t move or think... Fuck.
Hey! Get outta da road ya jackass! A man screaming, a horn blaring, my hands on a field of yellow, my bare feet hot from the asphalt beneath. I retreat to the sidewalk, people flowing around me like a stone in a river.
This could be any city, look for at the skyline, where are we...
The sun is making it difficult to look up. I can see silhouettes of buildings, vague shapes, but I can only look for a few seconds before I see spots. The skyline a blurry mass of confusion. Maybe if I can find a newsstand I can check a daily paper.
I look up the street, nothing. Down, nothing. OK, just pick a direction and start... Wait, ask someone silly.
Excuse me... no response.
Um, hello? nothing. Surrounded by people and no one can hear me. Feels like social media, I joke to myself. No one is laughing.
Sir, please! That’s when I realize I’m not here, not in this city. I’m not taking up space. I am in between. The people aren’t flowing around me, there is no me. I am solid, just checked. I’m just observing this city from another place.
Where am I really?
I’m being pulled backwards, I’m jumping again, here we go. The trip is short and I don’t black out this time. Hold on, I can still see the city.
um, hello? a faint voice behind me. I spin in place, looking all around for the source.
uh, sorry, down here A quick shock and I look down. My eyes widen. Before, no below me? A small white and gray bipedal rabbit, no hare. Big glossy blue eyes, looking upwards. Are they smiling? Fully dressed, in what looks like ceremonial robes, holding, no twisting a hat in their small human-like paws... They speak again, removing eye contact and looking down.
hi. small, soft, child-like. I’m speechless.
i’ve been sent to collect you. There isn’t much time and a lot to cover, can you walk with me? Please? The hare turns and begins to leave.
come along? I follow.
We walk in silence for an eternity, finally the hare says
don’t worry you won’t slip while I’m near you. Slip? is that what I’ve been doing? And as if they can hear my thoughts.
yes, precisely. I can feel the tension and stress spill out of me. I’m relieved to have someone, anyone understand.
We’re walking through a great hall now, made entirely of light and reflection. The floor is there but not, the ceiling a reflection of starlight held hundreds of feet aloft by massive columns of prismatic light, rainbows bouncing around everywhere, colors I’ve never seen before, colors without names. I feel cleansed, purified somehow? The hall is both busy and calm, filled with all kinds of beings, a lot more bi-pedal humanoid animals, like a real-life Zootopia.
my name is emily. The hare says exactly as the thought forms in my mind.
come along, now, we’re almost there. I take in my surroundings like a deep breath, and I run to catch up with Emily.
I begin to wonder.
all in time Emily anticipating my questions before I know I’m going to ask them.
here he is I look around and lock eyes with myself.
Uh... I begin, I cut me off.
It’s OK, this is weird, but we can assure us this is only the start. My eyes are wide, jaw slack, I am literally speechless. Well, this me, this other dude is quite talkative.
Please listen, we don’t have a lot of time, we need us to focus. I straighten up, adjust my clothes and really try.
Good, we think we can get through this, if we work as one, no pun. I chuckle then remember focus. The other me smiles quietly.
We are the same being, we currently exist in space in a multitude of variants, all the same, but separate.
Yes, the fourth sight split us into infinity. I nod, as if I understand, neither of us is buying it.
It’s OK, it took us a very long time, relatively speaking, to understand. My mind is spinning.
We want to show you something, follow us please.
i’ll leave you to it then. Emily says as she turns and glides away.
Wait. It just comes out.
I... can you stay? Emily smiles.
i assure you you are as safe as one can be, alone with yourself. now hurry you have precious little time. She glides away and up into the light that forms the building. Gone. My face is flush, I feel it burning from the inside, red hot. The embarrassment boils over and tears form. I am overwhelmed and terrified.
We need you to see this, please. I follow myself into a small room the walls lined with monitors, and the floor with cables overlapping and twisting around one another like a snake pit. This all makes perfect sense, if I set this up, I’ve never been what you’d call tidy.
Sorry about the mess, we needed to work fast.
Yeah. I stop in my tracks when I notice that every screen from floor to ceiling, wall to wall are all me.
This is only a small number of us, we couldn’t possibly monitor all of us. Every screen is lit up, some are darker scenes, other bright daylight, all focused on me, but I’m not in a single one.
We discovered that you are the core, the key us, the prime us. You are the only one capable of reuniting us. My mind races at the thought. I am the only one that can save me?
So if I do this I will save the world? From what? The other me looks at me with equal parts sincere kindness and unrestrained disdain.
No. We won’t be saving the world. The world is fine, no danger. From the point of view of everyone else, nothing has changed. We are the only one affected. We are in a shifted reality, but we are in true danger. The end of us is very much an imminent threat.
I cock my head to the side like a dog hearing a bag of chips opening.
So, you need me to save me from me? That sounds very self serving. Why would you be worried that I would not agree? Other me points to one of the monitors. It’s me pushing a small child, a little girl on a swing. A woman nearby smiling and watching, here eyes filled with joy. The whole scene is radiating love.
Because we have much to lose.
I feel my mind being pulled into family me, through the monitor. My body, I can see it is staying put with prophecy me.
Higher, daddy! Higher! the little girl squeals between giggles. I’m gently catching her on the back swing, and kindly pushing her back out towards the sun. Her hair is flowing with the wind behind her as she reaches the pinnacle of her trajectory, and then it flips and flaps in her face as she rockets back towards me.
Emily. Her name is Emily. It’s just there in my mind, our mind. I remember her birth, I remember everything.
The woman is Molly, Mols. I call her Mols, we’ve been together for 10 years. Emily is 7. It’s all rushing in, but also just there, always there.
This is my wife and my daughter, my life partners. They are why I even exist. True soulmates. From my point of view I just met them, from family me’s, I’ve never not known them. I would do anything for them.
Do ya’ll wanna get Ice Cream! I hear Mols ask as I snap back into myself still standing next to prophecy me.
Wait I need to go back! I feel the air let out.
We can’t go back, unless we fix things.
The girl, my daughter.
Yes, Emily. The hare is a fragment of our memory of her, that’s why we named her Emily as well.
So none of this is real? It’s all in...
Our head, yes.
This dear reader is the point in time where I, the narrator, would typically realize this has all been a dream brought about by a coma caused by an accident I had twenty days ago that started the entire fourth sight spiral. Fortunately for you, unfortunately for us, that’s just not what happened.
We are all things all at once, and everything that happens has happened, will happen, and never happen. It is always here, there, and everywhere. We perceive our life in three dimensions, the fourth sight gives us the ability to see the truth of reality. Not just what we project onto the universe. None of us are real in the meta-physical sense we’ve limited ourselves to.
That’s great and all. But how do we fix this so ’we’ can be with Emily and Mols again?
It’s important that we understand that we will never be with them again, as we are not apart from them now. Prophecy me sure likes to talk in circles. I roll my eyes, and let out a long frustrated sigh.
Our frustration is reasonable, but it is important to us that ’you’ understand precisely, that anything we do to repair our fracture will return us to a state of union, and we will not remember our current separated reality. Is he trying to talk me out of this?
No, we are not. We just want us to understand, fully, the consequences of our actions.
I get it, let’s get started. Prophecy me turns and starts to leave the monitor room.
Let us go then, we’ll need some things, and we’ll need Emily’s help. The hare, or...
Yes, the hare.
I follow myself out of the monitor room back into the great hall of light, except the hall is no longer here. Now we’re traveling across the night sky, stars above, below, and all around. The floor is there, but not.
I notice prophecy me is not walking normally, he’s gliding, no sliding maybe? Stardust is kicking backwards off his feet like sparks from a bare wheel on asphalt. The sky is filled with constellations that are moving and breathing. I think Orion winked at me when he tightened his belt. And I can’t be sure anything I am seeing is real but I swear Cassiopeia is tasting a sauce of some sort scooped on a spoon from the Big Dipper at Centaurus’ behest, his hand beneath as to catch any drips.
It is quite beautiful, but we have to hurry, please. I realize I’m standing still, frozen in awe, and prophecy me is a few hundred feet ahead moving straight for what appears to be a black hole, or at least what I think a black hole would look like. I shake off the wonderment of the moment and run to catch up.
Ah yes, there you are Emily. We need you to help us with the re-merging sequences. Emily turns slowly, her hands full of papers. She’s filing papers in the middle of space?
I’ve already told you, there is nothing I can do to help any of you. Now I’m very busy, please be on your way! Her voice unwavering and firm, this is a new Emily. And just like that Emily, the filing cabinet, the papers, well almost all the papers, just gone. A blink? A slip? Gone?
I turn to ask prophecy me what happened, gone. He’s gone too.
Now all the stars are speeding up, it feels like I’m about to take the Falcon into warp. Long white lines are surrounding me. I’m losing my balance, everything is spinning now. In an attempt to control my own destiny I reach towards a reddish light and make contact. Is it the barn? I recognize the rough exterior. I slam forward, hitting the side of the barn with my head. I crumple to the ground darkness pours in from all sides.
Hey Buddy, you Okay? Shit. I’ve heard this before.
I slipped back to the barn. All the way back to sixteen days ago.